For most WCHS students, graduation is the end goal, it is the moment they are able to step out into the real world and really be themselves. But, a WCHS student’s recent discovery has raised questions on what happens to students post high school. While exploring around the building, WCHS freshman Andy Andyson discovered a basement where students who “graduate” are crammed together in factory-farm like conditions to rot away for the rest of their lives.
“This discovery is a surprising one for sure, but it answers a lot of questions about our building,” Andyson said. “We’ll sometimes hear mysterious sounds like banging and crashing while in class. As it turns out, it’s not caused by maintenance work, but by the pleas for rescue from the former students.”
Many of the students in the basement have been there for decades, having never seen sunlight since their graduation ceremony. It had brutal effects on their bodies, with the oldest victims having rotten into zombie-like creatures.
“I saw one guy who just looked awful,” Andyson said. “It was like I was playing [the game] Half-Life. His face was covered in massive gashes and his head was cracked open. His arms were covered in these giant warts, like someone was experimenting on him.”
Turns out, they were. The zombies have been used to test everything from chemicals for the science department, to new school lunch meals (the ones that receive a positive reception are discarded). Former WCHS student Joe Joeson, a graduate of the Class of 1976, has complaints about the conditions.
“I mean, high school was already hell, so I can’t say this is much worse,” Joseson tried to say, before his jaw fell off and spewed rotten body parts into the Observer coorespondent’s face. “But I’d like it if they gave us some respect. I mean, they’re testing all of their devious plans on us. The other day, I had to take a precalculus exam to ensure it was horrid enough for current students.”
Joeson is a seasoned veteran of the basement. He often helps newcomers adjust to the conditions, but has noticed a huge cultural shift with the newest admits and has many things to say about this “soft” generation.
“Man, do I wish the older guys,” Joeson said, while pointing at our bereaved correspondents’ feet, which were knee deep in a reddish-purple slime that was once a Class of 1965 graduate. “These new lads, they come in doing TikTok dances and vaping. Like, they actually deserve to be in here just for that.”
Joeson says he misses some elements of his former life, like the warmth of a summer day or the taste of real food. But being in the basement has not been a radical change.
“Down here, it is like a microcosm of what was going on back in high school,” Joeson said, trying to console our deeply traumatized, sobbing correspondent. “It’s dark, hopeless, and you don’t think you’ll ever make it out. You did four years of that already, and got used to it. What’s so bad about it now?”
Just like in school, getting through the basement means making friends and enjoying it while it lasts. Joeson says that while it gets harder over the years, it is the one lesson he has kept over the decades.
“I wouldn’t have lasted if it weren’t for my friends,” Joeson said, while introducing our shell-shocked correspondent to a red wall stain he once knew. “It’s the friends I made along the way, the ones that are always in my heart that keep me going. Oh wait, I think my heart is oozing out. No! My friends! I’m losing them! Noooooooooooo!”
