Dear Loyal Readers,
In your typical Paws for Thoughts fashion, Ha-Yeon (ew, again) and I would be ranting about the latest thing on our minds, whether it be mental health days, Potomac parents, or why senior year has not ended yet. However, all jokes aside, in light of recent events, we write today on a more serious note.
By now, we are assuming you have seen or heard about the comments and allegations regarding the Observer, and I am prepared to address each and every single one, as well as our official responses to these incidents. In no way do I feel pleasure in writing this statement to you all, but in the need for transparency in today’s world and after discussing with our staff, we feel the need to get straight to the point. So with that, on behalf of the Observer, I am sorry.
First, we understand that the comment we made in our last commercial was culturally insensitive. We should have known better than to tell those who have that condition to be thrown out like the recycling at WCHS (fun fact: it isn’t).
Also, I am sorry for the inappropriate watermark that was left on one of the pages of the December issue, which was copied onto every single copy by our printing company. The watermark in no way whatsoever represents the Observer’s ideals and values, and we have since replaced printing companies.
To Ha-Yeon, I am very very sorry for the comments about you in an article I wrote that was largely misinterpreted by many. That comment on being “slow” and “incompetent” was being directed toward teachers that grade slowly and in no way was targeted towards you. I would never offend you (please don’t run me over with your car).
To our most dedicated readers and subscribers, I am sorry for the poor and what all of you called “crappy” paper quality for our first few months. Due to the ongoing paper strike led by disgruntled trees demanding better working conditions, the Observer secretly used all the copiers at WCHS to print each and every paper, which also explains why they continue to malfunction now.
Additionally, I feel the need to apologize for the fact that some of our articles this year were found to be written by ChatGPT, but I can explain this. The Observer strongly does not condone the use of artificial intelligence in any shape or form. So when our writers were too busy, we hired independent staff writers from RMHS’ “The Tide” newspaper to write our articles for us, but they apparently used ChatGPT. So technically, we abided by our rules, but I guess “The Tide” writers did not, so please blame them instead.
Lastly, I want to personally apologize to you, yes you, the person reading this right now, for reading all this garbage. Did you really think this was real? Absolutely not. Well, maybe the part of Ha-Yeon running me over will be. Other than that, April Fool’s dawgs :).
