Hollander’s Hot Sauce

By By Ben Hollander, Staff Columnist

Whether it was the feeling of slipping on my new red Power Ranger costume, picking out my favorite pumpkin or begging strangers for chocolatey treats, everything about Halloween made it the best holiday as a child.
No holiday, even the great harvest of Sukkot, could even measure up to the exhilarating anticipation I had for the beautiful, autumn celebration. However, as the years have passed, it has become increasingly apparent that the entire holiday’s meaning has completely changed, for better or for worse. What happened to my Halloween?
A holiday I once spent wandering in the streets at night in pursuit of a fat sack of candy and proudly sporting a costume that expressed my flowing young creativity has changed into a night of raging parties, promiscuously dressed women and plentiful shannaneries.
I’m not one to start bashing my still favorite holiday, but it is clear that no holiday besides Halloween changes so drastically in a span of a couple years. So, now it is my God-given duty to find and investigate the vicious change in Halloween’s behavior.
I was once a youth admired by my peers for the appeal and ingenuity of my Halloween apparel while I was also interested in the look of others. Now, Halloween costumes for guys and girls have completely changed meaning. Guys will throw on a last minute excuse for a costume just to ensure he is not that guy who refuses to dress up, and girls will dress as promiscuously as possible, using the great holiday merely as an excuse to reduce the amount of clothing affixed to their bodies.
Now, it’s easy to see why guys put no effort or thought into their costumes, much like most things we do. For girls, Halloween was once a great holiday to walk around to their neighbor’s homes to show off cool or perhaps slightly frightening outfits, but now, receiving candy from a neighbor while dressed as sparsely covered as Observer staff writer Charles Cook’s facial hair would most likely land the neighbor in some sort of legal trouble.
Free late-night candy was the genius behind Halloween, a long night of walking around knocking on doors followed by settling down to munch on a couple of Twizzlers. The reason we no longer participate in the routine is mainly because you’d look really out of place doing so and the bountiful bags of late-night candy are not as appealing as bountiful late-night eats that we’ve come to love over the years. The reflection of said concept now would be a Halloween where, after a long, tiring night of rage, knocking on a complete stranger’s door and emphatically yelling a key phrase at them, you would reward yourself with a hot double whopper with cheese.
Halloween’s majesty is clearly not lost with the passing of age, delicious treats replaced with plentiful scantily dressed women, awesome costumes replaced with an excuse to have a party and the great spirit of the holiday replaced with the great teenage uninspired will to do anything. Good lord, I love Halloween.