Hollander’s Hot Sauce

By Ben Hollander,Staff Columnist

My fellow students, we are on the homestretch to summer. I can almost taste the post- noon breakfasts already. The approaching summer has filled these final few weeks with constant anticipation and planning for what is to be a great break. What makes summer so great? The lack of things to worry about.
The countdown to summer had me thinking about CHS, but my mind immediately drifted all the way to the ancient Mayan calendar, after a quick drift to the new KFC Double Down, and had me noticing that the calendars of a bunch of pyramidal staircase-building men ends in December 2012.
Quivering with fear, I began to rethink my standard thoughts about summer break(after another inner admiration of KFC’s culinary magnificence) and wondered what my standard as to what a great summer would actually be if the world is truly coming to a premature end in a mere two years.
So now, wise Mayan calendar crafters, I have taken your sage advice in mind as I make my new 2010 Summer To-Do List (End of the World Edition)
1. Administer and or referee a fight between two exotic animals of differing continental origin. Don’t tell me baboon v. Alaskan King crab is a fight you would not want to leave Earth without seeing.
2. Take a trip to the beach, while driving in my Winnebago across the Bay Bridge and braking to the beat of “My Humps.” This is a perfect example of a classic summer experience with a touch of end-of-the-world pre-meditated violence (along with an excuse to play Fergie in my Winnebago).
3. Kick down a small child’s sandcastle.
4. Attend a frequented summer concert with a boogieboard and proceed to go crowd boogieboarding. Surfing was never my forte and this protects from the random estranged crotch grab.
5. Conclude a semester-ending graded assignment with a clever catch phrase. If Ron Burgundy can do it, so can I.
Whatever may be on your list for the summer CHS, live it like it is your last. Even if you think that the sacred ancient Mayan calendar crafters may have just decided to stop planning their days hundreds of years in the future, live this short break of school unconventionally and to the fullest. So stay spicy, Churchill (check #5).