Try your luck in the slots


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One of the new slot machines at WCHS is now ready for students to play.

By Graeme Finley, Oscar Nominated Producer

Lately, WCHS students have been complaining about an insatiable craving for something. However, this craving is not what many may think. Rather than going to their favorite vending machine to pick up a drink or snack, as of April, students will be going to the nearest classroom’s slot machine in hopes of winning big and hitting their next jackpot. 

The WCHS math team recently submitted some calculations to the school board and Principal Taylor, in which all parties agreed that replacing all vending machines in the school with slot machines would be highly beneficial. The math team’s calculations estimate that by implementing this change, the revenue earned from these locations would increase by over 400%. 

Nonetheless, many parents and other faculty members have some questions regarding this new decision: Is it even legal? To answer the question, under normal circumstances, this would not be legal. However, due to WCHS officials’ genius, they have declared that the slot machines are a fundraising campaign and therefore allowed to be installed in the school.

In theory, this change should work almost exactly like a fundraiser. Students put money in the machines, and the more they put in, the higher the chance they will hit the jackpot. All funds entered will return to school resources, benefiting everyone at WCHS. 

Despite this, some are skeptical that the slot machines have been rigged and will never hit the jackpot, allowing WCHS to collect a surplus in funds. While these concerns are logical, the administration would like to assure any skeptics that there are concrete odds of winning prizes and the jackpot. The average odds of winning these new machines have been calculated to be a whopping 0.0000001% chance of winning any reward and a 0.0000000000000012% chance of the jackpot. 

Along with slot machines, there has also been talk of adding a Pachinko parlor to replace the study section of the library, and putting a  full-blown casino inside of the auditorium completely decked out with multiple poker tables, Roulette, Blackjack and Go Fish. Due to this expansion, all student groups wanting to perform in the auditorium will likely have to use the cafeteria instead. It has been made clear that WCHS places much higher importance on gambling than on musical and theatrical arts. 

Although this plan has very minimal cons, many school counselors, the nurse and the school psychologist have expressed concerns over some sort of phenomenon they call a “gambling addiction.” While this phenomenon seems made up, these individuals are very convinced it is a real and serious problem.

To combat these concerns, Principal Taylor has set daily spending limits on the new slot machines. In agreement with the math team, he concluded that an appropriate daily spending limit is $690,000. 

Although this small number may be disheartening for many students, Principal Taylor has announced that if the new gambling features implemented succeed, he may consider raising the spending limit. Other teachers and staff hope this may teach the students a valuable lesson about these activities. The house always wins.