New talent show staring WCHS students to air next year


Photo courtesy of Nate Levine

The stage is set! The WCHS Got Talent stage, judges and teaser have been released to the public!

By Nate Levine, Future Sport "Expert" on Twitter

After judges made  the easiest decision in world news history, WCHS has officially been named the most talented school on the globe.

Based on the famous show America’s Got Talent, NBC has introduced “WCHS Got Talent” to their network, and the whole world is waiting. Every Saturday at 4:25 p.m ET., a new episode will be released.

The series is set to start in the 2023-2024 school year, but a few teasers have been leaked. The top three WCHS accomplishments since 1964 have been released already by the network, and they sure are impressive.

Coming in at number 3, is a magnificent feat for a talkative young boy. WCHS sophomore Upton O. Good has always had issues with keeping his mouth shut, but an impossible question left him silent.

His friend, WCHS sophomore Hubert Bartholomew Wolfesmithbergerhausenjohnsondorff Sr, complains that Good feels a need to fill in the blank space of conversations. “One time we were on a double date and Upton decided to shout out “yip yip yippee it’s a wonderful day to be free” in a silent fancy Italian restaurant,” Wolfesmithbergerhausenjohnsondorff Sr said. Needless to say, there was not a second date.

Good’s previous record for the longest time without speaking was 8 minutes and 4 seconds, but that’s only because he was sleeping. However, in a shocking turn of events, Good’s record was shattered by a moment in history class.

Mr. Prah Fesser called on Good to answer the question: “What is Obama’s last name?” Good could not answer. He sat there and pondered the question for 10 minutes and 19 seconds before admitting he didn’t know. This record will be everlasting.

Coming in at number 2, one of the most unlikely events of human history: a student experiences pride during WCHS Bulldog Pride.

Normally during Pride, students find themselves mindlessly scrolling on their phones. However, in this instance, WCHS freshman Luv’Churr Chillhye found herself full of bulldog pride.

 It was Oct. 22, 2022, and Chillhye was experiencing her first pride. When the

announcements came on and announced that it was time, Chillhye would not contain her excitement.

She let out an emphatic ”WOOHOO!” and threw her hands up in the air. Chillhye was extremely proud to be a bulldog. “I loooooove Churchill,” Chillhye said. Classmates reported that she was pacing around the classroom and jumping on the tables in joy.

The number 1 accomplishment in WCHS history is held by a man who truly deserves a spot in world history. Since WCHS was established in 1964, only 2 students have passed a class without a single incident of cheating. 

The first of which, in 1971, was Amnotta Cheetuh who passed Health class with a grade of 71.3%. He did not ask a single friend for help on any assignments, nor did he use google because, well, it was 1971.

He once attempted to send a letter which was delivered on a buggy to his grandmother for help on his final assignment, but the horses were too slow and he completed the assignment with no help. 

However, there’s a new champ in town; WCHS senior Jim Nasium passed P.E. with no cheating just last semester. With a whopping 73.8%, Nasium passed the net sports course with flying colors.

The talent of WCHS will no longer be hidden. 

“Yabadabadoo,” Nasium said.