Those close to me know that there are four things that consistently arouse Zack Potter.  The first three are, in no particular order, chimps dressed up like humans, CatDog re-runs and, naturally, the biddies.  However, since there is neither anything productive nor intelligent I can say about these subjects, today we will focus our attention on pleasure number four: watching goofily dressed adults hurl themselves off 30-foot cliffs in delusional attempts to fly.

It is for this reason that I am disappointed because, for the eighth consecutive year, Red Bull has snubbed Washington D.C. as a host for its hilariously brilliant Flugtag event. 

According to its website, “Red Bull Flugtag challenges teams of everyday people to build homemade, human-powered flying machines and pilot them off a 30-foot deck in hopes of achieving flight” only to have their crafts “splash into the waters below.”

A quick YouTube search will yield video results depicting giant rubber ducks, hotdogs, sombreros, Barack Obama and Chuck Norris replicas soaring off of aforementioned runways—or at least attempting—much to the delight of up to 105,000 giggling spectators.  Often, participants will dress up in ridiculous costumes and perform entertaining dance routines on the runway before the pushers launch their exceptionally courageous pilot into the waters below.

While this may seem like all in good fun, there is also a competitive aspect to Flugtag, as teams are judged not only on distance flown, but also creativity and showmanship.  Each U.S. contest rewards the top three furthest flying teams with trophies, in addition to a People’s Choice award given to the crowd’s favorite flying machine. 

Since 2003, Flugtag—which translates to “flying day” in German—has been held all over the US in cities including San Francisco, Chicago, Nashville and Miami.  However, disturbingly absent from that list is Washington D.C.  This is a tragedy of nearly cataclysmic proportions, as our nation’s capital is long overdue to host this magical display of homemade aviation achievement.
It is not as though Washington is short on the shenanigans and oddballs that Red Bull seems to embrace at these events.  Just look at the giant DuPont Circle snowball fight that occurred last year and those who dress up as female hogs in the stands at Redskins games.  Washington D.C., Maryland and Virginia are full of lunatics who would voluntarily fling themselves off 30-foot decks in makeshift aircrafts, as well as slightly saner individuals who would observe, cheer and laugh hysterically from a distance.

There are several locations within the D.C. metro area where such an event could be held; the most obvious being the National Harbor, a brand new, multi-use waterfront development and marina on the shores of the Potomac River, only 10 minutes from Washington.  The piers and waterfront access give plenty of room for a temporary runway to be built—presumably by workers fueled by an endless supply of Red Bull energy drinks—and the surrounding development provides ample space for observers.

It is now up to the citizens of the D.C. metro area to urge both local officials and executives at Red Bull to recognize that when Flugtag makes its triumphant return to the US one year from now, our nation’s capital must be one of the locations to host its crash-landing.